A Night Under the Stars…

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The other day I was having my usual introvert battle between wanting solitude and quiet, and really wanting someone to share it with. Most days, life has a way of being so loud! Street noise, the refrigerator, dogs barking, people talking, laughing, shouting, all of it adding together to create a cacophony that almost never ends. These aren’t bad things either, they all are the audible results of purpose and relationships, which are good to have. Yet as I sit silently amidst the sounds, some days it leaves me feeling… off… or maybe even ostracized, definitely overwhelmed. These are the days I usually go for a long drive where I think that no one will find me. Of course, I live in a fast growing suburb, so what I really mean is that I struggle through traffic for 30-40 minutes striving to find open road. But when I finally do find it, it… is… beautiful! My body and brain are allowed to focus on driving while my mind plays through a plethora of thoughts, dreams, plans, etc. It finally has the time to dig up answers to questions like “What should I be doing with my life?” “Am I sure going back to school is a good idea, am I even capable?” “Where should I explore next?” “If I ever found a man, would I even want to get married?” “Who keeps unplugging my toothbrush charger and why?!” Sadly, yes, my mind will ask all those questions in the span of 2 minutes, with barely enough time to answer. Thankfully, this decompression of thoughts, is one of my favorite aspects of long drives.

This night in particular though, I had a specific purpose. Not to thoroughly think through every part of my life, but rather to practice astrophotography. However, one part of my life insisted on being thought through; the part that wanted someone with whom to share the experience. Most of the drive out I couldn’t keep from thinking how nice it would be to have someone sitting in the front seat. Not talking just to fill the silence, or fiddling with their phone, but rather sitting there, content to just be… with me. Now this kind thought, I tend to attribute to the part of me that watches way too much Hallmark Channel. Don’t worry, I realize that this idea could probably never exist in reality. That if I ever did find a man, he would be less likely to contentedly ride along in silence and more likely be the one unplugging my toothbrush! All the same, this sets the stage for why I was left feeling so fortunate this night.

When I finally made it to Rocky Mountain National Park outside of Estes Park in Colorado, got out of my car, and started setting up my gear, I couldn’t help but wish there was someone there to guard against the wild animals. Quickly followed by the realization that I need to get over irrational fears just as much as I need to move past unrealistic dreams (visualize a Sheldon Cooper-esque eye roll here). Then, suddenly, what happens to cross my path but… A BEAR…

Just kidding.

Actually, a really nice couple from Kentucky. They were also out to photograph the stars. Honestly, part of what made my night so great was the fact that even though none of my friends could go with me that night, almost every time I stopped, I got to meet new, friendly people who were like minded and out to enjoy the stars. I also found it interesting that for the most part, those people stopped because I already had, because we all had those same concerns about wild animals and a shared passion for seeing (and in some cases capturing) the stars. That night was such a blessing because not only did I get some photos of the Milky Way that I am actually pretty proud of, but I also learned that I don’t have to be lonely just because I am alone.  I just have to be open and ready to embrace new people.

Be the change…

Have you ever felt like every person in the news has lost their mind?

Me? I feel that way all the time. It feels like everyday there is a new shooting, an abuse of power, or a terrorist attack. It would appear that the advice is no longer “Don’t talk to strangers,” but now is “Don’t engage a stranger. Don’t talk to them, don’t look at them, don’t even go near them. They’re dangerous.” The saddest part about this advice, is how easy it is to follow.

I fall into it myself. There are days that I don’t want to make eye-contact or smile, let alone talk to people. Ugh! Small talk is the bane of existence for an introvert such as myself. However, in a world devoid of accountability, where hurtful people are emboldened behind keyboards, and good people can be left unaware because they are too engrossed in their smart phones, how could we expect the world to look any different?

Mahatma Gandhi is quoted as saying, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I agree. We can’t determine someone else’s actions for them. The only person whose actions we have control over, is ourselves. If you want to see some one be kind, encouraging, courteous, or brave. Be those things.

So this weekend, I interacted with a stranger.

Okay, backstory… Lately I have been taking small steps towards traveling solo, just little day adventures, but they have already exposed a good sized fear that I have. What if I get stuck or injured, and really need help? What if I am surrounded by strangers, when what I really need is a trustworthy and compassionate friend? I would hope to find someone willing to help that I could trust not to screw me over. As a result of that desire, I became that person for someone else on Sunday.

While I am waiting in line at “The Summit of Pike’s Peak” (and yes, I said that in an action/announcer esque voice while typing) for the shuttle back to my car, I overhear this guy talking about how he just hiked up the +14,000ft mountain and didn’t know how he was getting back down to his bike at the base. My heart went out to him, first because I have a good friend who… …It would not surprise me if he landed himself in the same situation. And second, because if I had just hiked 7 hours to get to the top (which realistically, I would never do), I would NEED a ride back down. So, I offered, and the really great part is… He was totally nice! I loved getting to drive down the mountain while talking with Matt from Tennessee, who has a Tom Selleck level mustache. Matt, who kept trying to call/text his Mom and take video on his GoPro for her, so she would know where he was. He was a complete sweetheart of person that I never would have met, had I allowed myself to be guided by a generalized fear.

Now, I am not saying to go pick up the next hitchhiker you see. What I am saying, is that it’s important for us to balance our own comfort and security, with actions that are based in compassion. Not everyone is out to hurt us. Sometimes, they are just like us, traveling solo and in need of a friend.

A dinner alone…

Tiny lanterns light the room like firelight while music and conversations give the room a warm and cozy atmosphere. Just outside there is a thin path that has been shoveled in the dusting of snow and in the distance people stroll by bundled in coats and scarves while their breath escapes in small misty puffs. Tonight, I am being brave. Usually on my weekend stays at a hotel I would hide away in the room, not speaking to a single soul except the concierge when I checked in. Instead, I am dining alone and writing. Now don’t misunderstand me, I do see the humor in the fact that I feel brave for sitting alone not talking to anyone… Albeit now in a room full of people. As if that is some drastic change from my usual. Nonetheless, it did require the effort of showering and putting on clothes so… There you go, brave.

Also, because I am determined to be open to social interaction tonight (once again, brave), I am not staring into my phone which screams “don’t talk to me.” Instead, I am writing in my journal and notes to friends. It has led to me being here a lot longer than I think the wait staff are accustomed, but I am perfectly happy to surpass expectations. 🤓 It does feel a little strange pouring my heart out onto paper while surrounded by strangers who are completely unaware of my inner thoughts.

2018… What a start?!

I recently had the honor of going to the Philippines. It was beautiful! Going with a group of young adults, all of us focused on serving others, made it easier for me to intentionally travel with the idea that this trip was in no way about me… And it felt great! Not to sound like a job interview coach, but challenges became opportunities (Side note: TSA is a lot more fun when you high-five as many people in line as will let you. 🤓) and all the inconveniences that would ruin my day here in the States (not enough water, no toilet paper, etc.) were normal and nothing to stress out about.

One part of the trip that opened my heart the most was the chance to spend three whole days helping at a youth camp. I fell in love with those kids! So many of them were just so happy and fun! They taught me Tagalog (very little) and hand clapping games, and I got to play, worship, study, and eat with a bunch of kids who always rose to the occasion. Getting to see the change in them, opening up to us as they realized that we really cared about them, was so encouraging. It makes me think about all the friends I have made in the last couple of years, how the ones I have gotten close to almost feel like they are two different people (don’t get offended if you are one of them, keep reading). It’s like the more time I spent with them, got to know them, the more complex, full, and intricate a knowledge I had about them, the more the face value first impression of them paled. They are so much more to me than the paper thin idea I had of them before getting to know them. I hope that is what happened at camp. That the more they got to know us, the fuller an image they got of our character, the less we looked like just pale, rich, fat Americans, and instead became genuine, honest, trustworthy people who care deeply.

Moab…

The pre-trip…

So, here I sit in a tire shop, the no fuss, nerdy lady tucked away in the corner typing into her phone. I have finally realized the undertaking I chose when I decided to write this blog. This is a lovely time that I usually would have filled with Netflix and fast food. Instead, I am being intentional with my time and writing (admittedly, there is still fast food in my bag, so no change there).

It feels exciting getting ready for little trips. Thinking through what clothes are clean, what I have already worn since laundry day, I’m mentally packing my bag. In order to know what to pack, I’m visualizing all the activities I want to do. I have been to Moab before but only as a short stop on a longer trip, so there is a lot excitement about it being the destination. And by golly I want to walk under that darn Fragile Arch that has been so elusive as of yet!

On the trails…

I love the variety of people you can meet when you take the time to make eye contact. Getting to chat with Sue as we walked to the breakfast room of the hotel (She thought her daughter should go to Moab because she loves Jeeps and there are so many in Moab), to being encouraged for the hike by Daniel (He lost over 100 pounds hiking to Delicate Arch every two weeks for the past year), or just taking a break with Nancy (who was waiting for her husband and happens to have a daughter that shares my name), each interaction was different and yet beautiful. I feel that too often we keep our heads down, dig into routines, and use cell phones as eye shields so we don’t have to look around and realize that there are over 7 billion other people in this world. When was the last time you introduced yourself to a stranger? It’s something to think about.